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Effective Writing Center (EWC)

How do I organize my essay?

Paragraph Structure (Continued ...)

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Evidence that is specific (stronger evidence):

Two years ago, my mother’s LDL (“bad”) cholesterol level was 242, and her HDL (“good”) cholesterol was 37, so she was considered “high risk.” Since she was hesitant to take cholesterol-lowering medications, her internist suggested that she try to incorporate more soy into her diet. He believed that it was worthwhile to try this before placing her on medications. In order to support her, our entire family started drinking soy milk and walking in the evenings. After six months, her LDL dropped to 198 and her HDL rose to 45, which was a dramatic improvement. Our family all lost quite a bit of weight, as well: my mother lost fifteen pounds and my father lost more than twenty. Her doctor tells her that if she continues this lifestyle change, she will significantly reduce her chance of heart problems in the future.    

The second example not only contains more information, but it presents it in a believable and interesting way. By including specific details, the author appears to be an “expert,” so the evidence is more persuasive.

  1. Analysis/Concluding Observation: Your analysis or concluding observation is your way of “wrapping up” the information presented in your paragraph. It should explain why the evidence supports your claim and why this supports the main thesis in your paper.

    It’s important to end with your own analysis of the information rather than with evidence. This keeps you “in control” of the paper; if you end with evidence, you’re emphasizing ideas from your sources rather than your own. The reader relies on you to analyze the evidence in the paragraph and explain why it matters to the claim and to the rest of the paper. Here are some examples of weak and strong analysis/concluding observation sections:

    Analysis that is really evidence (weak): Experts at Duke University’s School of Medicine agree that soy milk is a healthy choice.

    Analysis that doesn’t relate evidence to claim and thesis statement (weak): Soy milk therefore prevents disease.

    Analysis that explains why evidence supports the claim and why this is important to the paper’s thesis (strong): The disease-fighting and health-promoting components of soy milk have the potential to change people’s health and to improve their lives by affecting both cholesterol and weight. This makes soy milk an important factor in heart health, so people should consider switching to soy milk.

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